Aside from choosing to follow Christ, the biggest decision one can possibly make in this life is who to marry. This is a life-long covenant we are talking about and “what God has brought together, let man not separate.” So we’d better be very wise and discerning not only in our own life but in the lives of our children as well (for those who have kids). How can we guide them with wisdom without overwhelming them?
Brant Hansen is a radio host and author. A number of years ago, he wrote a fantastic piece on this called, “5 Things I Want My Daughter to Look For In A Man.” Below are his points with some of my personal additions. Keep in mind that it is a given that we want our daughters to marry a man who is a follower of Christ. The list gives some practical ways of what it should look like if a man truly is a follower of Christ:
1. He takes responsibility
He doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t run away from his own mistakes. He doesn’t see himself as a victim. To me, this is the essence of masculinity. There’s a word for a man who is not willing to admit his mistakes and take responsibility: A child.
2. He practices self-denial
This can be shown in many ways: He can successfully work a job that he doesn’t like. He shows discipline with his money. He listens to people even when they’re not talking about something he enjoys. Pay attention to what things he is willing to sacrifice.
3. He doesn’t respond in anger
Some men think acting in anger is a mark of manliness. I’ve found that quite the opposite is true. After all, even a toddler can throw a tantrum. Self-control, perspective, mercy and forgiveness are marks of true strength.
Does he get easily frustrated and upset whenever an unexpected or inconvenient situation occurs? Or does he display a flexible and calm demeanor?
4. He is respectful and kind to people regardless of who they are
How does he treat people who can do nothing for him? How does he treat and talk about people who have special needs or are not outwardly attractive? If he tends to ignore or mock them, you’re very possibly dealing with a narcissist. Run away…now.
5. His instinct is to protect, not hurt
He doesn’t try to manipulate you to get what he wants. When he encounters the vulnerable, he doesn’t make fun of them. He defends and befriends them, even when no one’s looking. Even if a man seems “church impressive”, check for this stuff. Being on stage, leading worship, talking a great “Christian game,” being admired in public, and leading a ministry is great and all, but it has nothing to do with being a great husband.
6. He doesn’t change into different “modes”
Anyone can put on a front when he knows that others are watching him. Is he the same person when the two of you are alone? Does he have a “spiritual switch” that he can easily turn on and off? Does he have integrity? Is he striving to make the right choice even when no one else will know?
I would love to hear your thoughts. What do you think is something that daughters should look for in a spouse?
Thanks for reading. God bless. And remember to never stop chasing after Jesus!
JLLDS Ministries 