The Hook Of Pornography

Proverbs 7:21-23 “With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.”

When a fish sees that worm on a hook, it often gets tempted to bite it. Little does the fish know that biting that hook might very well lead it to its’ death. After a fish takes the bait and swallows the hook, it gets caught in the fish’s throat and can be very, very difficult to remove. Sin can be very similar to this. It can negatively take us farther to do and say things that we never imagined that we would ever do, and it can feel discouragingly impossible to break old habits.

I’ve have experienced the “hook” of pornography in my own life. Beginning in middle school and going through the first years of my marriage, it was a constant battle…but no one else really knew about it. I kept it to myself, hoping that I would be able to privately overcome this sin and avoid any kind of shame and embarrassment. I wanted to protect my self-image.

When I was in high school and college, I remember thinking, “Once I get married, I will be sexually satisfied with my wife and then I won’t struggle with this sin of lust anymore.” That is a lie straight from the devil. When it comes to sin, it always wants more. Regardless of however much you have or how frequently you get something, your flesh will never be satisfied and always tempt you to get more and more and more.

Not only does pornography damage the active person, but it also severely affects the significant other. The significant other might ask, “Why are they looking at these other people? Am I not attractive enough? Why can’t I satisfy you? There must be something wrong with me.” The sinful act of one spouse can lead to the incredible insecurity of the other. My wife was aware that pornography and lustful thoughts were something that men battle with. So she would lovingly ask me on occasion, “Have you ever struggled with this stuff at all? How are you doing in this area right now?” Not wanting to hurt her and most importantly, not wanting to damage my self-image, I would answer, “I used to struggle with that stuff, but I am over it now.” She was satisfied with this answer. After all, who would think that her “Prince Charming” who apparently looked holy and put together on the outside would have such a shameful problem on the inside? This kind scenario is far too common.

One summer day in 2014, my wife found out my secret as she somehow stumbled across one of the inappropriate websites I had previously viewed. She was devastated due to my lust addiction and my lies. My heart broke at seeing how terrible I made her feel. “How could I hurt my best friend so badly?” I asked myself. I damaged her trust, but she was willing to process things, pray for me, and in time, her heart would heal. I confessed my sin to her only because she found me out, but I still wasn’t willing to confess my sin to anyone else on earth. Even though this was one of the darkest, shameful, hopeless day in my life…I can now see that it was a tender mercy from God. Even while I was wallowing in my sin, God was at work in my life that day and this was the painful start of him breaking me free from my prison of lust.

After the first couple months, I was doing great. I didn’t have any setbacks, but then the guilt started to fade away. I learned that at this time, it was the feeling of terrible guilt that was preventing me from stumbling back into my lust. But that feeling only lasts for so long and after it slowly disappeared, it was back to the same situation as before. I didn’t understand. I would pray every time after I sinned, “Jesus, please forgive me and help me to never do this again.” Why wasn’t he answering my prayers? Why was He allowing me to continue in my sin that hurts both me and my wife?

Later my wife would check in with me and ask me how I was doing. Once again, I would lie and tell her that I am doing good. For more than the previous decade, I remember sitting in my seat on communion Sundays. This was always a time of confession and guilt for me as I would pray, “God, I’m done with that. I’m living for you and I’m not going back.” There might have been stretches of doing a better job of resisting the sexual temptation, but those consistent victories just never seemed to happen. I was still losing more battles than I was winning. Eventually, I became convinced that I was doomed to live with these heavy chains of sin and guilt for the rest of my life. But I was determined not to hurt my wife anymore. So chose that I would lie to her and take this sin with me to my grave. I believed the voices that were whispering in my ear, “You will never overcome this. You might as well accept it without hurting anyone else.” Another lie from the devil.

One night, I knew that God was telling me to confess my sin to my wife. Not only to her, but to other people as well. Preparing to make this confession, I walked around my neighborhood that night in prayer, then returned to my house, walked up the stairs and told her once again that I had been lying to her and I had been looking at things that are dishonorable to both her and God. Her heart broke once again. I praise God that she was willing to forgive me and work through this together. An example of God’s grace shined through her during this time.

The thing that changed this time around was that I was willing to bring forth my sin to her instead of her finding me out. Also, I was finally willing to confess my sin to other people: six of my closest godly friends. I was finally willing to humble myself and sacrifice my self-image by telling them, “I am broken right now and I need support, prayer and accountability. Will you please help me?” This was by far the biggest turning point in this journey. I finally died to this sin in my life and laid down my self-image, and Jesus began to give me more and more consistent victories in this area of my life.

One of the friends who I reached out to for help and accountability responded to me by saying, “Please wait…I need to do something.” I wasn’t sure what to make of this. The next day, he responded and said, “Your confession to me inspired me to confess my sins to my own wife. I have been guilty of indulging in pornography also. We can now pray for each other.” Have I stopped looking at pornography since that time? Yes! Have I been cured from my temptation to lust? No! To this day, it is still a battle and a choice every day. I still need to keep my spiritual guard up, but Jesus has faithfully never left my side and I now have the prayers, support and encouragement of brothers in Christ.

Recently, God brough Joseph and Potipher in Genesis chapter 39. Potipher trusted Joseph with his entire kingdom. When Potipher’s wife attempted to seduce Joseph, he faithfully fled. It was such an important responsibility to take care of everything that his master (Potipher) entrusted to him. The connection that God made to me that was this: “Paul, I have given you this woman to sacrificially love, to gently hold and to always cherish. I have entrusted her to you…and you’d better take good care of her. That is your responsibility.”

To the married men who are reading this: Regardless of how patient you are with your wife, how many things you have bought her, how great of a provider you are or how loving of a father you have been…if you are indulging your lust with pornography, you are not taking care of your wife.

If you are struggling with pornography today, tell someone who you trust. Confession, accountability and a willingness to change are always the first steps in conquering a long-term addiction. After doing this, you must come up with a gameplan and inform others who can support you in this sanctification process. The only way I was able to overcome this sin was because of the foundation of having Jesus as my best friend. To learn more about this, check out this article: Who Is Your Personal Mediator? Who Is Your Personal Mediator? – JLLDS Ministries

I hope this was of some encouragement. If God set me free from the “hook” of lust and pornography, I know that He can set you free as well. Thank you for reading and God bless!