I wasn’t as deeply LDS as others, but it definitely shaped who I was and my relationship with God. My mom was LDS but my dad was an unbeliever. He was an alcoholic who would become abusive when drinking. This created a big wound for me being rejected by him, and I never felt worthy of God. I believed with my whole heart that the church was true, but it was me who was broken.
As a young adult I drifted from the church and made a lot of mistakes. After having kids, I found my way back to the church. I struggled with depression for several years (since age 14) and never really felt the love of God in my life. I felt that I hadn’t worked hard enough to earn his love or presence in my life. My depression grew deeper, and the idea of taking my own life became a daily thought. It all came to a head in 2021 when I was sure that my husband and little boys would be better off without me. I was unexpectedly pregnant so I knew I couldn’t do anything to hurt myself until after I had my son who was due in March 2022. Many times during that pregnancy, I hit my knees and begged God to help me, to show up for me.
I had my sweet baby, and in May of 2022 I joined a Christian Facebook group because I thought I was Christian too, as a Mormon (LOL). I made an anonymous post about a sin question I was struggling with but too ashamed to share openly. Somebody shared a video of a pastor who answered my question in great detail. Little did they know, it would change my entire life. I really enjoyed his content (shoutout to Mike Winger), so I watched more of his videos. He had content on Mormonism and why it was a false religion. I was shocked! That’s when I really dove in. I wanted to know how I could be saved if it wasn’t through my own works! I realized who Jesus really was and asked for forgiveness and received eternal life.
I poured over the Bible and Bible studies and found a good church to attend. My depression and suicidal thoughts ended in May 2022. The idea of harming myself hasn’t occurred since then, not even once. I have a peace in my soul that surpasses all understanding. I have felt the love of Jesus daily and have true relationship with him that I never imagined possible! I see the hand He has had on my life from the very beginning, but it was I who had rejected Him, not the other way around.
Over the last year, my husband and (older) boys have also been saved. And remember in the beginning of my testimony, I mentioned my dad. I started sharing the gospel with him, and God planted seeds in other ways. Now he’s also become a born-again believer in Jesus Christ. Things really have come full circle, and for that I praise God!
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